“Loving God: My Greatest Joy” by Sivam Subramaniam

I am 70 years old, and I have never known a time when I have not been in love with God.

Blessed to be born into a God-loving and God-fearing family, I have, over time, grown to lose myself totally in God’s love with fear cast aside. My parents and my siblings somehow always treated me special thereby inspiring me to do good and to be aware of goodness.

To me, this special relationship with God came about as I believed I was my Mum’s favourite child amongst her eight children who she declared she loves all equally even now at 94. But I have always felt that secretly I am her pet and dared her to publicly deny it. And she did several times even at our last new year party as to her all of us eight children were equal claimants to her love. Yet I knew. Such
was my affair with God too despite the Gita declaring that God does not play favourites and that we are only punished by our own actions. Yet there is something more.

So life, to me, was a joy parade, filled later by my wife, daughter and son and my stream of godsons, nieces and nephews, and great best friends too. Of course, there were some strict parade wardens and water bombers along the way but they sharpened the joy.

Feeling the Love

Walking in the Grace of God and knowing that God just loves me has been one of the most fun parts of my life. I do not know how I learnt or how I knew the secret of God’s love but it has always been my strength and source of joy in life. I have had people marvel at my easy life or even put me down saying you act like as though you are the only one God loves. To me God’s love is expansive and just not static. There is goodness all around the world and enough for everyone. God’s love is just unlimited and so so real.

When young, I was so dependent on God for everything that I used to envy free thinkers and atheists feeling that they were so strong to be able to live on their own without wanting or needing God. But as I grew up and saw the amazing things happening around me, I felt instinctively so loved and so well looked after. In my later days as I started reading the scriptures, I began to understand that this was the reality of life when a concept of something you cannot see becomes so powerful within you that you start to experience and actually feel His presence, love, care and support within you as a reality.

The Connection

I understand the exclusivity of Christianity and Islam of an exclusive God. I do not see as belittling the other religions – the approach to God as the establishment of the one and only way to Him. The reality is that if one does not believe in God, He really cannot reach out to you to give you that Peace of Mind. How can you experience Christ’s Love if you do not believe in him? You must have faith in God whether you call Him/Her Allah, Shiva, Ram, or Buddha or Christ.

Just Be Ready

So, this is my simple message: to let God help you, you must whole-heartedly admit him into your personal life and accept him as a reality in your life. No need for big or small sacrifices or severe penance. He is not looking for perfection. Just the simplicity of heart that wants to be loved and is ready to be so loved. Just plug into the wonder to see his Glory in everything surrounding you. Again, my mother is the perfect example of such positivity: she has the sweetness of heart to forgive even the people who hurt her without bitterness. She saw good in everyone and everything everywhere without judging anyone. So being close to her, I picked up some of these tips which many saw as a weakness or being so desperate to be loved. But to me, it was the easiest route in life to see the love that
everyone has for you. The more you believe the more it happens. Hence, they say: “Blessed are you to see God in everything that happens to you. You need ask for nothing.”

Happiness is just yours – all yours for the taking. And unashamedly just celebrate the joy of being happy for yourself as well for others (more for the latter the better). As Sadhguru says, if you have not wet your face with tears of joy, you have never lived well (paraphrased).

The Reality Check

Do not go away thinking I have led a very quiet and sheltered life. With Shiva in my life, I have faced many battles too: being harassed at a five-star hotel in London; robbed in Central Park in New York; nicked in Belgrade in the 80s; or even abused by the police in Buenos Aires or having mobiles pinched in several cities, even a laptop stolen in Colombo; or drugged in Bangkok; abused by bad people several times; and having my share of holiday disasters and mountain/lake accidents and losing several beloved friends and family including my Father too. But even in the darkest despair, my knee jerk response was just: “Om Namashivaya” and I always found my way home with my smiles and faith intact, ready for the next challenge. There still are some people who fear being near me, thinking I am a calamity Joe with all these freakish accidents striking me.

In my career, be i t as a diplomat or journalist or businessman, when things seemed just beyond me, the Universe has stepped in to shape things up for me. As I look back, I can say with certainty that there are so many things I never could have consciously done and yet I have done them by that unseen hand of God making things fall into place. All I did was to make sure my team and I put in our very best efforts. The rest was just divine help that comes pouring in.

I enjoy the oneness of God everywhere even in the holiest of sites be it, Temple Mount in Jerusalem, Jeddah (I could not go Mecca being non-Muslim), St Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican or Kailash in Tibet, Kasi or Rameshwaram in India or just in the smiles of people walking on the streets on workdays.

So convinced am I by God’s very presence in my life, that I often warn my enemies or those seeking to harm me, that though I can take it, Shiva will not be able to accept this and will come to punish them. In my time I have seen them getting their come-uppance, not that I ever pray for revenge.

I have joyfully seen some of my joy rub off on my mates too. There were many times when my mates paid good money to bribe me to pray for them or ask my Mum to make special offerings in their names at the temple though Hindus they were not. But joy is infectious. It passes on.

A Good Life

As for me, Life is just too good not to enjoy walking in the strength of loving God and knowing that God loves you. Being a Hindu with the unmanifested God represented in numerous forms to suit your preferences, I adore every faith and embrace every belief with joy. Surely goodness will follow you everywhere with God beside you, making where you are the happiest place ever. I am 70, not a wide-eyed child. But the love of God makes me a child forever. God’s child forever.

About the author

Lifelong Hindu, he enjoyed dabbling in law, diplomacy, journalism and publishing which all brought him back to Sanskrit, religion, Shiva and Ram and the need to see God in everyone. Still trying.